Porta- my birthday

Finally it was here. A lot of hype was going around in the circle for my party, and I was glad everyone was getting pumped. Earlier in the day I worked as usual on a Saturday, except this Saturday was different as my grandparents were back from Florida. Great to have them back, but let's just say they interrupted my regular 1:15-3:30 nap. I only got about 45 minutes in, a boarderline travesty.

Tom Mcdevitt was the first to show up, and he was greeted by me in my underwears and my seaside heights headband. He deserved it. After everyone got to my house and my dog humped big pawl, we left around 8 and quickly got down to asbury. Big p did like 65 the whole way there, so I guess sometimes the turtle wins... Or however that nursery rhyme goes

The night was terrible as I went 0-5 in bacci. Up until then I had won every game I ever played. Ever.

Besides the bacci,the rest of the night put to shame any episode or season of he jersey shore combined. Pure brilliance. Rather than narrating the events, as things get fuzzy, here's a check list:

Janine breaks light that's well above her head... With a bacci ball.

Random guy moves the target ball, then almost gets his ass kicked and is
Cursed off while he rides away on his wanna be hipster bike.

The 14 and a half pizza was delicious.

Drinks start excessively pouring, I drink rum and red bull only once a year, and it's that particular night

I'm so hopped up on caffeine, alcohol, and sugar that I start to sweat (I don't usually sweat) and every girl becomes a 10. I approach none cus bitches be stingy and they don't deserve the attention

My sense of smell starts to die off, then my vision blurs



I'm about 5 drinks in now and porta puts about 2 and 1/2 shots in each drink

The Dj starts shouting my name and irfan puts me on his shoulders. This is the first of 5 "final warnings"

The rest of the night becomes a blur with lots of dancing and slutty dance moves by yours truly

A girl I dated for 4 years, who in have bad blood with, decides to show up at the worst hour of the worst day of the year; she had 364 days and 21 other hours not to run into me, but tonight, no, it wasn't her night; after cursing her off in her face and quickly walking away I happen to knock over the drinks of a group of men. All of their drinks.

A hate group forms, irfan flips off the crowd and my ex, and it's time to leave as there is now about 25 full grown men who want to beat me up. I'd go down with the ship, but we make our way out. Irfan says "FUCK YOU" to security and we start walking down to the beach.

Big P escorts us as we piss and jump on cars all the way down to the beach.

Like I said, I'm very hot and take my shirt off. My pants also rip. Don't know how. Then these 4 kids try to call me out after we collided with shoulders and I proceed to talk shit and try to throw the ones in my Australian accent. I stayed in character for 5 hours.

After smoking a black and mild in big p's car with the windows up I may or may not have stained his windows with a 99 cent green tea.

A job well done, an incredible night.

Thank you to those that came, bought me drinks, and shared this 5 star night together with. I left certain names out due to privacy, but I know irfan and big p wouldn't care.